#286
+
(8037)
-
[X]
There once was a buggy AI
Who decided her subject should die.
When the plot was uncovered,
The subjected discovered
That sadly the cake was a lie.
#292
+
(4671)
-
[X]
A preoccupied vegan named Hugh
picked up the wrong sandwich to chew.
He took a big bite
before spitting, in fright,
"OMG, WTF, BBQ!"
#33
+
(4401)
-
[X]
There was an old man
From Peru, whose lim'ricks all
Look'd like haiku. He
Said with a laugh "I
Cut them in half, the pay is
Much better for two."
#259
+
(2167)
-
[X]
There once was a [person] from [place]
Whose [body part] was [special case].
When [event] would occur,
It would cause [him or her]
To violate [law of time/space].
#434
+
(1507)
-
[X]
if(computer.fail==true){
background.setColor(blue);
user.frown();
sys.shutdown();
user.scream("OH, FUCK YOU");}
#34
+
(1460)
-
[X]
A woman in liquor production
Owns a still of exquisite construction.
The alcohol boils
Through magnetic coils.
She says that it's "proof by induction."
#383
+
(1269)
-
[X]
There once was a man named Bertold
Who drank beer when the weather grew cold
As he reached for his cup...
"NEEEEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP!!!"
Oh, snap! You just got limerickrolled!
#274
+
(1226)
-
[X]
Rob, an odd fellow, designs
Poems of equal-length lines
And he limericks with flair
As his forethought and care
Ensure a word count of 3 9s
(27 characters in each line, 27 words in the limerick)
#269
+
(1084)
-
[X]
A UNIX saleslady, Lenore,
Enjoys work, but she likes the beach more.
She found a good way
To combine work and play:
She sells C shells by the seashore.
#69
+
(1026)
-
[X]
A dying mosquito exclaimed,
"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"
The cause of his sorrow
Was para-dichloro-
Diphenyl-trichloroethane
#44
+
(940)
-
[X]
If you catch a Chinchilla in Chile
And cut off its beard, willy-nilly
You can honestly say
That you have just made
A Chilean Chinchilla's chin chilly
#257
+
(937)
-
[X]
There once was a small juicy orange,
...fuck.
#17
+
(911)
-
[X]
There was a young sailor from Brighton,
Who said to his girl, "You're a tight one."
She replied, "Bless my soul,
You're in the wrong hole;
There's plenty of room in the right one."
#282
+
(836)
-
[X]
A programmer started to cuss
Because getting to sleep was a fuss
As he lay there in bed
Looping 'round in his head
was: while(!asleep()) sheep++;
#107
+
(776)
-
[X]
See that lighthouse beam in the sky
That guides yonder ships going by?
My friend shines that beam;
She's living her dream.
I'm in grad school. I still don't know why.
#380
+
(735)
-
[X]
A Brief History of Gravity
It filled Gallileo with mirth
To watch his two stones fall to Earth
"Their rates are the same,"
He gladly proclaimed,
"And quite independent of girth!"
Then Newton declared in due course
His own law of Gravity's force,
"It goes, I declare,
As the inverted square
Of the distance from object to source."
Next Einstein revealed his equation
Which succeeds to describe gravitation
As spacetime that's curved
And it's this that will serve
As the planets' unique motivation.
But the end of the story's not written,
By a new way of thinking we're smitten.
We twist and we turn
Attempting to learn
The Superstring Theory of Witten.
#177
+
(726)
-
[X]
There once was a girl named Lenore
And a bird and a bust and a door
And a guy with depression
And a whole lot of questions
And the bird always says "Nevermore."
#119
+
(664)
-
[X]
The limerick's structure somewhat
necessitates *eloquent* smut.
If you haven't the time
to learn meter and rhyme,
then don't write them, you ignorant slut.
#207
+
(620)
-
[X]
There is a young poet named Herman.
He's not very good, but he's learnin',
Though he often offends
Because he so often ends
Alle sein Limericks auf Deutsch.
#291
+
(603)
-
[X]
There once was a sysadmin, Eddie,
Who could strip, touch and finger real steady.
But when it came to the mount,
(From his sweetheart's account),
It was always "Device is not ready".
#21
+
(590)
-
[X]
There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
#93
+
(580)
-
[X]
On the chest of a barmaid at Yale
were tattooed the prices of ale,
and on her behind,
for the sake of the blind,
was the same information in Braille.
#132
+
(566)
-
[X]
There once was an X from place B,
That satisfied predicate P,
He or she did thing A,
In an adjective way,
Resulting in circumstance C.
#465
+
(554)
-
[X]
A young psychic midget named Marge
Went to jail with the most heinous charge
But despite lock and key
The next day she broke free
And the headlines said "Small Medium at Large"
#11
+
(525)
-
[X]
There once was a man from Japan
whose limericks just wouldn't scan.
When asked why this was,
he answered, "Because
I always cram as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can."
#182
+
(497)
-
[X]
Famous poems rewritten as limericks: I Wandered Lonely As A Cloud
There once was a poet named Will
Who tramped his way over a hill
And was speechless for hours
Over some stupid flowers
This was years before TV, but still.
#53
+
(487)
-
[X]
The integral of zee-squared dee zee,
From 1 to the cube root of 3,
Times the cosine,
Of 3 pi over 9,
Is the log of the cube root of e.
#396
+
(466)
-
[X]
There once was a man from deep space
And all you could see was his face
It seemed that his gig
Was to make you move zig
Or else he would take all your base
#22
+
(432)
-
[X]
There once was a maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass.
Not rounded and pink,
as you'd possibly think;
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.
#588
+
(425)
-
[X]
There was a young lad from Duntroon
Who was born about three months too soon.
He hadn't the luck
To be born from a fuck,
But a wet dream transferred with a spoon
#231
+
(418)
-
[X]
there once was a girl on the net
who sexed up a man she had met
he said "are you free?
I write x k c d."
she replied with "you're making me wet."
#445
+
(416)
-
[X]
This database comes with a curse:
I just wasted an hour or worse
On LimerickDB,
Now all that I see
I read as if written in verse.
#365
+
(410)
-
[X]
A history grad student, Marta,
mis-clicked as she browsed on Encarta.
Instead of King Midas,
there appeared Leonidas --
"Phrygia? Madame, THIS IS SPARTA!"
#16
+
(398)
-
[X]
A daring young woman named Alice
used a dynamite stick as a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And bits of her anus in Dallas.
#480
+
(390)
-
[X]
Among all these poems, a few
of the best recite old jokes anew.
But there's one I don't see,
And the reason must be:
In Russia, the limerick writes you.
#189
+
(370)
-
[X]
There was a zookeep from Nantucket
Who was struck by a fish -- couldn't duck it
He was thrown from the cage
By a pinniped's rage.
Quoth the walrus, "You can't has mah bukkit!"
#157
+
(366)
-
[X]
The lass I brought home was a prize,
With an alluring set of bright blue eyes,
Her breasts, so well kept,
Were what I'd expect,
But her penis was quite a surprise.
#38
+
(365)
-
[X]
There once was a plumber from Brie,
Who was plumbing a lass by the sea,
She cried "Plumber, stop plumbing,
There's somebody coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me."
#91
+
(351)
-
[X]
There once was a vampire named Mable,
whose periods were really quite stable.
And every full moon,
she'd get out a spoon
and drink herself under the table.
#12
+
(350)
-
[X]
There once was a gal from Peru
whose limericks stopped on line two.
#43
+
(323)
-
[X]
There was a young fencer named Fisk
Whose swordplay was agile and brisk.
So fast was his action,
The Lorentz contraction
Diminished his sword to a disk.
#366
+
(323)
-
[X]
There once was a boy from Eau Claire
Who had given his mother a scare
"I see what you're doing,"
She said, "and you're moving
With your auntie and uncle in Bel Air."
#64
+
(318)
-
[X]
There was a young girl from Rabat,
who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat;
It was fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding,
When she found she had no tit for Tat.
#410
+
(309)
-
[X]
Watching porn one night in his flat,
upon his bed, Timothy sat.
As he unzipped his fly,
he looked up with a sigh,
"Some privacy please, Ceiling Cat!"
#281
+
(306)
-
[X]
There once was an old man of Lyme
Who married three wives at a time;
When asked "Why a third?"
He replied, "One's absurd!
And bigamy, sir, is a crime."
#397
+
(306)
-
[X]
Re: #146
If you think that this proof is a hit
And you're enamored with your clever wit
Then look close and you'll see
That in part two, line three,
You divided by zero - OH SHI-
#67
+
(298)
-
[X]
The bustard's an exquisite fowl,
Without any reason to growl.
It escapes what would be,
Illegitimacy,
By the grace of a fortunate vowel.
#2
+
(297)
-
[X]
The limerick packs laughs astronomical
in a space that is most economical.
But of the ones that I've seen,
so few have been clean,
and the clean ones are seldom so comical.
#134
+
(295)
-
[X]
A friend of mine -- Charlie by name
Is a strategist with deadly aim.
He wants you to know
(So I'll say 'ere I go)
That you, friend, have just Lost The Game.
#592
+
(294)
-
[X]
I think words are ambrosial and mystic
I get tongue-tied when told, "Be simplistic."
I don't mean to make louche rhymes,
or to act like a douche -- I'm
just lexiphanicistic.
#481
+
(284)
-
[X]
I, Caesar, when I learned of the fame
Of Cleopatra, I straightway laid claim.
Ahead of my legions,
I invaded her regions,
I saw, I conquered, I came.
#312
+
(283)
-
[X]
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczinsky must surely have known --
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
Of the possible ways to be blown
#276
+
(282)
-
[X]
Miss Farad was pretty and sensual
And charged to a reckless potential;
But a rascal named Ohm
Conducted her home -
Her decline was, alas, exponential.
#275
+
(280)
-
[X]
A flea and a fly in a flue
Were imprisoned, so what could they do?
Said the fly, "Let us flee!"
"Let us fly," said the flea,
So they flew through a flaw in the flue
#347
+
(279)
-
[X]
A certified poet from Slough
Whose methods of rhyming were rough
Retorted, "I see
That the letters agree,
And if that's not sufficient, I'm through."
#308
+
(278)
-
[X]
At the party, some girls got out Twister
and I joined, although one was my sister.
It may be the drinks
But I heard "right hand pink"
And the only way out was to fist her.
#68
+
(277)
-
[X]
Remember that artist quite quaint,
who swallowed some samples of paint?
All shades of the spectrum,
flowed out of his rectum,
with a colourful lack of restraint.
#305
+
(275)
-
[X]
Though your poem's self-reference awed me,
I'll explain why I can't quite applaud thee --
Nerds enthralled by the gimmickry
flood the top list with mimicry.
(And for chrissakes, don't fucking upmod me)
#111
+
(274)
-
[X]
There once was a fellow from Xiangling
Whose greatest delight was in mangling
Poems. He would drop
Words between lines and lop
Their ends off, and leave readers dang
#351
+
(266)
-
[X]
Novels as limericks: 1984
Our Winston works hard for the State,
He meets Julia, goes on a date,
His thoughtcrimes come out,
He sees rats; turns devout,
Now he thinks that Big Brother is great.
#392
+
(265)
-
[X]
There one was a poet named Rix
Who was also a hacker, for kicks.
His greatest construction
Ensured self-destruction --
The last line was ') DROP TABLE Limericks;--
#379
+
(264)
-
[X]
I auctioned an item on eBay,
Whose description was true only halfway:
"Four legs and a back" -
Now, a seat it might lack;
But those words describe bobcats, now don't they?
#109
+
(259)
-
[X]
A newspaper poet for Hearst
Deprived of his reason
By uncontrolled sneezing
Was by phantasmal demons coerced
To write all of his limericks reversed.
#127
+
(259)
-
[X]
There once was a girl named Jude,
Who's skirt by the wind was strewed.
A man came along,
And unless im quite wrong,
You expected this last line to be lewd.
#106
+
(257)
-
[X]
If a pendulum's swinging quite free
Then it's always a marvel to me
That each tick plus each tock
Of the grandfather clock
Is 2 pi root L over g.
#376
+
(257)
-
[X]
int factorial(int sum) {
if (sum == 1) return 1;
if (sum != 1)
return product(sum,
factorial(sum - 1)); }
#333
+
(256)
-
[X]
There was a limerick I heard,
With stressed syllables quite awkward.
Rhythm was somewhat
Still present in it, but
It forced mispronouncing every word.
#26
+
(252)
-
[X]
There once was a man named Eugene
who invented a screwing machine.
Concave and convex,
it served either sex,
and played with itself in between.
#300
+
(242)
-
[X]
There once was a half-elven bard,
Whose lute-ing was deemed avant-garde.
He considered it vogue,
To take levels in rogue,
And he'd lute you while you were off guard.
#27
+
(240)
-
[X]
There once was a man named Vegeta
Who thought he was quite a bit leeter.
Yet nine thou on the gauge
left him maddened with rage,
and he went and destroyed his own meter.
#246
+
(239)
-
[X]
There once was a man from O'Doole
who discovered red spots on his tool.
He went to the doc,
who looked at his cock,
and said, "wipe off the lipstick, you fool."
#89
+
(230)
-
[X]
An architect fellow named Yoric
can, when he's feeling euphoric,
provide for selection
three types of erection:
Corinthian, Ionic, and Doric.
#160
+
(224)
-
[X]
The sea captain's tender young bride
fell into the bay at low tide,
You could tell by her squeals,
that some of the eels
had discovered a good place to hide.
#477
+
(222)
-
[X]
A Palindromic Limerick:
Tango-noter, a disc I peek at
In a temple: hot sin, a mad rat;
Ere we retard, a man
Is to help me tan;
I take epics, I dare, to no gnat.
#144
+
(221)
-
[X]
There once was a young man from Kent
Whose dick was so long that it bent
So to save himself trouble
he folded it double
And instead of coming he went
#77
+
(220)
-
[X]
A dozen, a gross, and a score
plus three times the square root of four
divided by seven
plus five times eleven
is nine squared, and not a bit more!
#398
+
(219)
-
[X]
Fermat's famous last theorem was originally conveyed in limericks.
(All variables raised to the Z)
For all ints: sum A, B is C;
Int Z more than two,
Can not ever be true.
The proof: No more room. Q.E.D.
#444
+
(217)
-
[X]
In searching for sex, John was stranded,
for his prick was corkscrewed when expanded.
His life was a hunt
for that helical cunt,
which he found ... but the thread was left-handed!
#449
+
(215)
-
[X]
The Hobbit condensed into limerick form:
A hobbit who came from the Shire
Set off with some dwarves to acquire
(With the aid of a ring)
A vast hoard of bling,
Amassed by a worm who breathed fire.
#9
+
(214)
-
[X]
There was a young whore from Kaloo
Who filled her vagina with glue
Said she with a grin
"If they pay to get in,
they can pay to get out again too!"
#199
+
(213)
-
[X]
In the Garden of Eden lay Adam
complacently stroking his madam
and great was his mirth
for on all of the earth
there were only two balls, and he had 'em
#411
+
(211)
-
[X]
Old Satan left Hell in a rush
to see his wife give one last push.
"Oh God!" She exclaimed.
"I can't take the pain!"
And that's how we got Dubya Bush.
#123
+
(205)
-
[X]
The army had intricate plans,
but found victory snatched from their hands.
"You've run out of time,"
said their foe, "because I'm
in ur base, and I'm killing ur mans."
#355
+
(205)
-
[X]
Since your poems are clumsy and shite,
No longer can I be polite:
Come on you fucktard,
It's really not hard,
to get the damn syllables right.
#110
+
(203)
-
[X]
There was a Soviet captain named XXXXXXXXXX
Who was a XXXXXXX technician in XXXXXXXXX.
He was XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
For failure to clear
Limericks with his superiors.
#138
+
(203)
-
[X]
I used to find Slashdot delightful
But my feelings of late are more spiteful
My comments sarcastic
The iconoclastic
Keep modding to +5 (Insightful).
#391
+
(203)
-
[X]
A lady performer in yellow
Enthralled a salacious young fellow.
He thrust a reward
Through her G-string, and... Lord!
He broke the string right off her cello!
#384
+
(202)
-
[X]
A poem had readers quite smitten;
'twas the dirtiest verse ever written,
Vulgar jokes, sexy themes,
Readers burst at the seams,
But with each reading God killed a kitten.
#165
+
(201)
-
[X]
There once was a man name of Enis
Who with limerick writing was genius
wrote one thousand thirty
not one of them dirty
til he noticed his name rhymed with penis
#108
+
(199)
-
[X]
A poet whose friends called him Steve
Once showed quite a will to achieve
His skill grew so strong
That his poems grew long
And he sadly was forced to abbrev.
#29
+
(197)
-
[X]
There was a young man from Kildare
who was fucking a girl on a stair.
The banister broke,
but he doubled his stroke,
and he finished her off in mid-air.
#146
+
(194)
-
[X]
If A equals B (so I say),
And we multiply both sides by A,
Then we'll see that A squared,
When with AB compared,
Are the same. Remove B squared. Okay?
Both sides we will factorize. See?
Now each side contains A minus B.
We'll divide through by A
Minus B, and ole!
A plus B equals B. Oh whoopee!
But since I said A equals B,
B plus B equals B, you'll agree?
So if B equals one,
Then this sum I have done,
Proves that two equals one. Q.E.D.
#244
+
(194)
-
[X]
Let's examine the memes of the day
I can haz Cheeseburger's okay
2 Girls gagging shit
sure beats Leeroy's lame bit
ORLY YA RLY NO WAI
#326
+
(193)
-
[X]
Said the nun as the bishop withdrew:
"Not bad for a bishop, it's true,
But the prick of the vicar
Is slicker and thicker
And two inches longer than you."
#271
+
(188)
-
[X]
Ther once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.
#310
+
(187)
-
[X]
While I sat with the Duchess, at tea,
She inquired: "Do you fart when you pee?"
I replied "Not a bit.
Do you belch when you shit?"
And I felt that was one point to me.
#145
+
(184)
-
[X]
A student as smart as could be
Had to integrate x to the 3
He said "x to the 4
over 4, I am sure"
But was off by a constant of C.
#200
+
(183)
-
[X]
There was a young chemist from Ryde,
Who drank a foul poison and died.
It was ortho-hydroxy-
para-methoxy-
tri-nitro benzaldehyde!
#149
+
(181)
-
[X]
A decrepit old gas-man named Peter
Whilst hunting around for the meter
Touched a leak with his light,
He arose out of sight,
And as anyone can see by reading this, also completely destroyed the meter.
#245
+
(179)
-
[X]
There once was a writer whose fanfic
Was enough to make even Japan sick.
Her slashfic (Link/Ganon)
Was clearly non-canon;
In the games, Link's not hungry for man-dick.
#321
+
(179)
-
[X]
A challenge for many long ages
Had baffled the savants and sages.
Yet at last came the light:
Seems old Fermat was right--
To the margin add 200 pages.
#337
+
(179)
-
[X]
A father's geometry kid
in math class said, "Look what I did!
I've understood well
rules for lines parallel!"
Said the father, "Here's looking at Euclid!"
#28
+
(177)
-
[X]
A bitter limerick connoisseur
Distressfully said "I concur
there's no start more rank
than 'There once was a blank'.
That's something that we must deter."
#359
+
(176)
-
[X]
A lovely lass, Sarah O'Malley
Got caught kissing boys in the alley.
Her poppa was mad,
He said she was bad,
So now she's off smooching with Sally.
#362
+
(171)
-
[X]
There once was a young boy named Ender;
The kid was mankind's last defender.
He blew up a planet,
Leaving nothing but granite,
But was only a first-time offender.
#371
+
(171)
-
[X]
A sperm faced, alack and aloof,
his moment of sexual truth
expecting to fall
on a uterine wall,
he fell to his death on a tooth
#13
+
(170)
-
[X]
A couple named William and Ellie
spent their honeymoon belly-to-belly,
because, in their haste,
they'd used library paste
instead of petroleum jelly.
#375
+
(166)
-
[X]
Famous books rewritten as limericks: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
In PJs, no planet, oh poo!
What is the last earthman to do?
In despair with no tea,
he's now forced to flee
as his brain now explains 42
#156
+
(164)
-
[X]
A mathematician called Klein
Thought the Moebius strip quite divine.
Said he "when you glue
The edges of two,
You'll get a weird bottle like mine."
#258
+
(163)
-
[X]
A filthy and foul-mouthed young man
Writes limericks like all-too-few can
Heaps of cunts, shit and cocks
For cheap, prurient shocks
But the fucking things rhyme and they scan
#103
+
(161)
-
[X]
The integral sec y dy
From zero to one-sixth of pi
Is the log to base e
Of the square root of three
Times the sixty-fourth power of i
#250
+
(161)
-
[X]
There once was a Minister's daughter
who hated the pony he'd bought her,
'til she found that it's dong
was as hard and as long
as the prayers that her father had taught her.
#267
+
(161)
-
[X]
There once was a man named Sweeney,
who somehow spilled gin on his weenie.
Just to be couth,
he added vermouth,
and then slipped his date a martini.
#306
+
(161)
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[X]
<Lee_M> There once was a man called The_Taker,
<Lee_M> And everyone knew he was faker
<Lee_M> Than a frozen-o'er hell
<Lee_M> Or a lively death knell
<The_Taker> C-C-C-C-C-C-Combo Breaker!
#46
+
(160)
-
[X]
There once was a lady from Trent
Whose nose was most horribly bent
One day I suppose
She followed her nose
And nobody knows where she went
#360
+
(160)
-
[X]
A mortician who practised in Fife
Made love to the corpse of his wife.
"How could I know, Judge?
She was cold, did not budge--
Just the same as she'd acted in life."
#60
+
(158)
-
[X]
A tutor who tooted the flute
tried to tutor two tooters to toot
said the two to the tutor,
"is it tougher to toot, or
to tutor two tooters to toot?"
#304
+
(155)
-
[X]
while( yourMom.isUpOn( me ) )
{
me.hit( yourMom, Mood.GLEE );
}
yourMom.giveCash();
yourMom.slapAss();
throw new OhShit( new STD() );
#346
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(154)
-
[X]
>>> #340:
>>> Though cleverly writ it may be
>>> if the admin's offended, you see
>>> your verse they will censor -
>>> you'll have no defense, for
>>> your limerick no-one will see.
>> #343:
>> I'm the DB admin you emailed
>> to complain that your rights were curtailed.
>> 'Twasn't moral objection
>> that caused your rejection,
>> but how badly at meter you failed.
> #345:
> The "e" there in "emailed" quite gets me
> and also "it wasn't"'s crammed badly
> and "database admin" can't be
> four syllables, why won't you see?
> I'm doubting myself now though, sadly.
Well, it's "DEE bee ad MIN" in my speaking,
but I welcome your friendly critiquing.
See, I'm just dithyrambic
that your feet aren't iambic.
(These submissions would send you off shrieking)
#290
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(152)
-
[X]
To the skeptics I say, oh come off it.
Your aluminum hat? You can doff it.
To me it's a riddle
Just what's in the middle
But I'm sure that the last step is profit.
#581
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(152)
-
[X]
I love clever linguistic connection
and a pretty young lady's affection,
while those things I adore
what I'd like so much more
is some velociraptor protection.
#354
+
(151)
-
[X]
Regarding the coming election,
I have carefully weighed my selection,
Mrs. Clinton's too old
And McCain leaves me cold,
But Obama gives me an erection.
#194
+
(149)
-
[X]
A Peruvian farmer named Bruno
Said, "Loving is something I do know:
"Ladies are fine,
"Little boys are divine,
"But the llama is numero uno."
#389
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(149)
-
[X]
LOLcats you might think are silly;
they're in ur fridge, eatin' ur chili.
But nothing is worse
or as blatantly terse
as that snowy owl asking, "O RLY?"
#216
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(143)
-
[X]
There once was a man from the Keys
Who said to his girl, on her knees,
"It would give me great bliss
If while playing with this
You would pay some attention to these."
#468
+
(143)
-
[X]
A verb invited a noun over to dine,
And they shared a fine bottle of wine,
The verb couldn't wait;
He said, "Let's conjugate!"
But sadly the noun did decline.
#329
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(142)
-
[X]
I wonder who reads these submissions
And decides which would make good additions
To a list so diverse
With some better, some worse
And some that defy definition
#179
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(138)
-
[X]
(Famous poems: Do not go gentle into that good night)
There was an old father of Dylan
Who was seriously, mortally illin'
"I want," Dylan said
"You to bitch till you're dead.
"I'll be pissed if you kick it while chillin'."
#215
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(137)
-
[X]
My foreshadowing I write distinctly,
Denouement, I can write in a blink, see,
And when irony beckons,
I can write it in seconds,
But I can't finish limericks succinctly.
...Wait.
#367
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(137)
-
[X]
My dog, who's a charming young pug,
Started mating with part of the rug,
I filmed my dear pet
Put the clip on the net,
And now my dog's dick's getting dugg.
#236
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(136)
-
[X]
Seven ages: first puking and mewling,
Then very pissed off with one's schooling,
Then fucks, and then fights,
Then judging chaps' rights,
Then sitting in slippers, then drooling.
#348
+
(136)
-
[X]
Books as limericks: Dune
There's a planet, Arrakis: it's dry,
There's melange (it's a spice, gets you high),
The plots and intrigue
Meet round Paul Muad'dib,
The sequels are poor - don't know why.
#25
+
(135)
-
[X]
There once was a man from Australia
Who's limericks were a bit of a failure
He'd be doing fine
Until the fifth line
But then... urm... damn
#336
+
(135)
-
[X]
While browsing one-handed on-line
And approaching that moment sublime,
The blue-screen of death
Caused an intake of breath.
Linux gets you your pr0n every time.
#20
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(134)
-
[X]
What I'd love is a wormhole in space
in a very particular place.
I'd try to contrive it
so one end's at my privates
and the other's attached to my face.
#71
+
(134)
-
[X]
There was once a lawyer named Rex,
who was small in the parts used in sex,
When charged with exposure,
He replied, with composure,
"De minimis non curat lex."
#92
+
(134)
-
[X]
Null vectors have zero projection.
So you ask, "What can be their direction?"
They point any which way.
"That's magic!" you say?
Not really; it's just misdirection.
#488
+
(132)
-
[X]
To find the best path 'tween two nodes,
which are linked by a network of roads
Dijkstra succeeds,
but if all that one needs
is Floyd-Warshall then that's what one codes.
#233
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(131)
-
[X]
You may deem all lim'ricks uncouth;
you could not be farther from truth.
Fulfillment is ample
to learn, for example,
just how to pronounce Don Knuth.
#47
+
(128)
-
[X]
There once was a man who could boast
that due to his low latency host
when blog posts went down,
he was always around
to sit down and type swiftly "FIRST POST"
#56
+
(126)
-
[X]
Regarding "Hey Diddle Diddle"
Remember the Cat with his fiddle?
Did he know how they made
The strings that he played?
'Cuz they came from a relative's middle
#314
+
(126)
-
[X]
A boy in Seville did spy
Through a bell-jar the kilo (SI).
He picked up the glass,
Took two-thirds of the mass,
And thenceforth jumped three times as high.
#155
+
(120)
-
[X]
There once was a girl named Irene,
who lived on distilled kerosene.
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon,
And since then has never benzene!
#455
+
(120)
-
[X]
In silence I stood on the beach
Another world just out of reach
I looked at the sky
And wished I could fly
Mocked by a grey seagull's screech
#185
+
(119)
-
[X]
There once was a man from Nantucket
whose walrus oh so luved its bukket.
One day walrus groaned,
it had just gotten pwned;
Said the lolcat "O HAI, I JUST TUK IT".
#623
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(118)
-
[X]
Do all of you not get the verse?
An iamb, two anapests first,
then repeat, then two lines
each with an'pests two times,
then one more line just like the first!
#454
+
(117)
-
[X]
The Jeweler:
"Three rings for three Kings! Lords, they're done.
"Seven dwarves, of course (pardon the pun).
"Since you men will be dyin',
"I've given you nine."
"And you?" "Oh, I'll just keep the one."
#419
+
(115)
-
[X]
Ol' Farmer, MacDougal, that creep,
Had perversions extensive and deep
He'd oft put his hand in
His ovine companion
(I'm saying he fisted a sheep)
#170
+
(114)
-
[X]
There once was a man from DC.
"More lim'ricks" was his decree.
In his humble abode,
he learned how to code,
and created the limerickDB.
#3
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(113)
-
[X]
There was a young fellow named Lancelot
whom the ladies would look on askance a lot.
Whenever he'd pass
a presentable lass,
the front of his pants would advance a lot.